That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
