maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
