girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
