my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
