Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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