that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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