Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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