There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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