did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
