He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
