When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
