I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
