when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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