i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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