I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
