There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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