I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
