the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
