when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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