I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
