Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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