im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
