I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
