So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
worst night to have a conscience
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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