btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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