What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
