this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
