Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
