How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
