i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
