If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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