Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
