I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He felt like a one man threesome
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
