I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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