I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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