you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
