can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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