so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
