the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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