Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
