I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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