It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
