Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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