God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
