Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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