You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
