you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
