you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
