saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
