JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
