well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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