Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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