you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
